Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
