I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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