I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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