Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
