shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
