I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
