So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
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