I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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