That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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