Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
