This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
