worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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