Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
