those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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