xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
