I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
