can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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