NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
