This girl is more easily done than said...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
