my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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