a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
