Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
