So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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