only if we run a train.
done.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
