Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
