So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
