Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
