Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize