I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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