dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
