My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
