i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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