is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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