He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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