i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
