it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
