Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
