Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
