i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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