i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
