dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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