she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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