I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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