Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
