the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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