My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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