I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
