like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
