She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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