As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
