he shaved USA in his pubs
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
