I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize