i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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