His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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