Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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