highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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