i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
