you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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