How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
