We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
