Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
