i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
