i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
