thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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