the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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