Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
