It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
