Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
