Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
