I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just tell him i said nine months
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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