I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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