dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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